my problem.

well now, we both know that's not entirely true.  i have many problems.  as much as it pains me to say, i am not perfect, but hell, life isn't about being perfect, so i'll take my weakness in stride and live to see another day.  but when it comes to men, i have one (okay, maybe two) problems i seem to always run into.  one:  i am overly emotional.  i know, it's as if you hadn't already noticed.  i am a woman, after all.  and yes, oh yes, all too often i'm quick to jump in with both feet, with no real thought or consideration as to what i'm doing or what the consequences may be.  i get giddy, i get excited, i want to hang onto that good feeling for as long as possible until i realize, "wait a second.  this may not be such a good idea."

which leads me to problem number two:  my tendency to gravitate toward unavailable men.  which is an even worse problem if you ask me.  emotionally unavailable?  i'm your girl.  physically unavailable?  oh hell yes!  count me in.  don't like me?  hello new best friend.  holy crap, i really am doomed to a life of spinsterhood and eventual eating by dogs.  what life to look forward to!

so what brings on this sudden admission of failure?  call it venting frustration.  frustration mostly with myself, of course.  in less than two months, i've gone cuckoo for cocoa puffs over some man emotionally and physically "i really like you but let's get together in group settings" then never contact you again unavailable; participated in some unscrupulous text flirtation over food (food is after all, tres sexy) with someone already taken (i know, i know, i know); and finally, taking the easy way out, i entertained myself by stringing a man along who will more than willingly admire me for what i look like but when it comes to real relationship, will never follow through.  his excuse, "i don't date."  life is rough.

but you know what?  really, it's not all as bad as it may seem.  yes, i'm emotional.  yes, i'm dramatic.  but there's nothing wrong with being emotional.  and there's nothing wrong with a little drama.  it makes life fun and exciting when everyday is a new adventure and you can't wait to see what it may bring.  and yes, i will happily accept this oh so wonderful stereotype my gender has been assigned.  if the shoe fits, i'll wear it.  (let's make it some luscious heels while we're at it.)  call me crazy, but i figure as long as there's a little logic and rationality thrown into the mix, it can't be all as bad as it seems.  but getting down to the nitty gritty isn't always easy, certainly isn't fun, but unfortunately (or fortunately), it has to be done.

after all, i'm willing to recognize reality for what it is:  the "i really like you but group dates are my thing" man?  just because dating someone begins as the most amazing thing in the world doesn't mean he's the right person for you.  you know, everyone has their own shit they have to deal with.  i come with a little baggage myself.  i am far from perfect.  (i just hope the man i end up with has a sense of humor.)  and it might even just be that he didn't like me as much as i liked him (shock!)  but that's just the way it goes sometimes.  you can't win them all.  (unless you're mormon.  damn polygamists.)  and unscrupulous texter?  i wish i hadn't let my emotions get the better of me.  i know better.  i just didn't want to believe the reality because the fantasy was too much fun.  and the man with russian hands and roman fingers, more interested in what panties i was wearing than taking me on a bona fide date?  good Lord, i'm 30 years old and don't have to deal with that shit anymore.  i'd rather stay in my awkward state of celibacy, thank you very much.

you see, the emotion and drama get us going.  it's the reality that keeps us in check, keeps us grounded, and when it comes down to it, allows us to enjoy the excitement that much more.  because we recognize that when it does happen just the way we hope, magic has been made.